Prologue: A tale of Dark love

They spent their whole lives together, living every moment hating each other, kissed by suspicion, obsessed with jealousy, possessed by ego, they never let go of each other for a day, never stayed out of sight lest they missed an opportunity to crib about each other, poison ivy they both were, each other’s soul mates.

He was the most annoying people you could ever come across. A contradiction personified, you could never count upon anything he said. One day he was something next day he was something else. He was pretentious, arrogant, and snobbish. Her friends hated him. But only she knew there was more to him.

A master of written words, wit came to him as naturally as breathing. Next was passion, for anything he touched upon, which also stayed for only as long as he touched upon it. He was very popular amongst the social circle he was a part of, he was everybody’s hero, only she knew he was a loser. Deep inside he was a chicken, weak and emotional fool, trying to hide his failure by his attitude. She knew exactly where he was because she was he.

She found her soul mate in him. He was not another person for her, he was a part of her, she couldn’t bear being near him because she could see through his deceit which make her hate him yet she couldn’t bear being away from him because without him she felt a part of her body was missing. He couldn’t bear being near her because she could see through his deceit which yet he couldn’t bear being away from her because only she could understand the child that was behind those deceit, a child craving for love.

It is all very weird. Both equally sarcastic, they never gave a simple answer to a simple question. Each of their conversation will start at a sarcasm, pessimism and naricissm, where both had an ‘I know it all attitude’. They never had a conversation like ordinary people. They would talk in poetry because both were excellent at it, they would have a war of words and then both would find it too complicated to carry any further so they would just end it at a pissed state of mind.

You called?

Yeah.

What was it about?

Nothing.

Nothing? You never call for nothing

Well it was something then and nothing now – happy?

Why are you being sarcastic, am just asking. Can’t you ever give a straight response to anything?

Can’t you ever accept something when I tell you without having to counter it in your know-it-all fashion? “You never call for nothing” Rrrrrrrrrrright. I won’t ever anyway, that’s for sure.

That’s how simple conversation would end up in a fight and next morning they were just fine. They didn’t love each other, but they loved themselves and so they loved each other.

(To be continued)

The inevitable

He is a Masters in Pol.Science from JNU, works in the development field for an International think tank, belongs to a patriarchal but highly educated Bihari family, the youngest in the family a pampered and spoilt kid, even at 31.

He was in Australia for 4 years pursuing a Phd, came back without finishing it coz he got bored of studying, he now plans to finish it provided he has a wife to take care of his tiring days loaded with work and study. He survives on just one theory Food and Fuck.

“My wife dumped me. Why? Because she just didn’t like me.” He has no better explanation for his divorce. When asked about his type of woman, he said, “I don’t have a type but a good conversation matters.”

He thinks its a disgrace to be born in the third world country, he hoped, still hopes his marriage to be his getaway to the first world (marriage Visa that is). A constant cribber, he claims to have been a Pick up Artist once but never bothered to flirt with me.

Having gathered his profile thus, I thought it was kinda cool that he found me interesting enough to be added on Gtalk. Nothing goes without a story though.

Story is thus, he added me on Gtalk via orkut and my blog. “Rivetting stuff” was what he had to say about my blog. First day, first hello from him on Gtalk, and I asked him to fuck off and he, in his own words, “humbly retreated mumbling tell me something new.”

The next interaction happened when I saw an interesting Gtalk status message that he had put up and asked what it was about. Meanwhile, I had forgot about my saying ‘fuck off’ to him but he didn’t. Anyways we had a fresh start.

Humor comes the most naturally to him, dark humor, my kind, crude humor, S’s kind. Our conversation started flowing like a young river. We spoke about everything under the sun, from cricket to movies, to sex, to relationships, everyday, all day (those were my first few months at this new company, so I was hardly working.)

Short story: Love v. Love

“I love you Sam, Bye” said Shankaran as always at the end of the call.

“Thank you, Shankaran, bye.” Sam hung up.

It was a pretty long call she had been on with Shankaran which had barely ended when the phone rang again. Sam saw the number, it was Matt calling. The look on her face changed right away, talking to Matt would mean a lot of energy consumption and a major expenditure of her gray cells. Matt is not some one you can talk at your casual state, you have to be specially prepared for a roller coaster of a conversation.

Sam answered the call with a dry, “Ya”

“Where are you? How was the meet, what are the latest updates?”

“Am at home where else would I be? And why did you ditch the meet, you won’t tell? Where in hell are you?

“I am here.” Matt said with a grin which Sam could hear over the phone.

“Here’ where?”

“Here’ here, how does it matter.”

“Ok. Meet was good, few people but good discussion. S said he needs your permission to go ahead with the agreement, P said you must not take things too seriously. I have done all the paper work for our next project you just have one task, sign them.” Sam is mostly irritated when she is talking to Matt. While Matt is mostly grinning.

“You sign them” Matt said.

“Why would I sign, you are the boss you sign.”

“No, you have the POA you sign.”

“Well I don’t want to sign, it’s your dream you’d do it. I would only push you. What is this noise behind you? Why don’t you move your ass to some other place I can’t hear a thing you are saying.”

“Ok I am gonna hang on. I did, now speak.”

“The guy from the firm has mailed me the design. Oh wait, he actually mailed both me and you, it says ‘To Sam / Matt.’

“Really? How come?”

“Yeah, that’s what I am thinking too, how come they know it’s you and me behind this whole thing.”

“Aah, may be they are trying to hook us up.” Sam could hear the chuckle again.

“Ok whatever, I am done with the updates anything else you wanna talk about?”

“Yeah, I was thinking I should meet up that friend of yours Priya, when I am in Delhi. What do you think?”

“What would I think. Why are you asking me? ‘Meet up’ as in a date?”

“I don’t know, may be.”

“Ok. So why are you asking me, who am I to even answer that question. You do what you want to do.”

“Ok, I would. But then months later you shouldn’t tell me that I kept you in dark. Give me some background info about her, will you? Does she stay alone? How old is she? Is she single?”

“Why the hell are you asking me these questions, look I am not going to help you in your romantic pursuits, I don’t do that to people as a matter of principle, find them out yourself, besides, you should know I am a possessive person.”

“What do you mean ‘possessive person’, are you and Priya seeing each other? Hell, I wouldn’t even talk to her on phone then, really, are you seeing her? Your secret is safe with me, you can tell. And why won’t you help me in this? C’mon of all the things you must help me in this.” That same chuckle on the other side of the phone.

Shut up, I am hanging up, you are doing this to irritate me. You find out the background info yourself please. Huh, how can you even think of dating Priya just like that, what do you know about her? It doesn’t happen like that.

Well I have begin to like her, I like the way she has been able to rise up to my level and talk back at me.

Ya rrrright, she can. Anyway I am hanging up. And there is a lot of work pending on the website, I want you to get them done once you are back. Bye.

From author’s life: All greek to me

“I have hardly had an Orgasm, I mean how will I, he will always cum outside me, he is just so scared of accidental pregnancy.” My sister said.

All Greek to me, it seems once the dick is there rest is all the same, what are these levels you are talking about, orgasm, semi orgasm, climax, I cum, he cum inside outside…?

I love the foreplay. But the real action still seem very mechanical to me, like an open and shut case.

What I love the most is the way he holds me after its all over. His large strong arms wrapped around me, like nothing in the world can harm me. My head pressed against his chest I can almost lose myself in his embrace. The small things he does makes me yearn for him even more. He’ll run his fingers through my hair till he falls asleep. Some times he’ll pat me, like a mother does to her child to put it to sleep. Some times we’ll kiss and be turned on again. Its all so great. Finally he falls asleep and what do I do? I stay awake contemplating and anticipating a break up. In fact I try to think of a time line by which I should break up with him, a time well in advance to my falling in love with him. As I think I tell to myself “he is going to hurt me. So I must leave him before he can do that. Ok so when? Next month? No, let me cherish him for a few more days, ok after the Goa trip then. Ok may be another month.” As I think all this I get restless and hyper emotional I feel like crying.

No matter how many times I tell myself stop thinking, thoughts are inevitable. I can’t stop thinking what I am doing is self destructive. On the face of it I have a man who is nice to me, who likes spending time with me, we hit off so easily and in less than a month we have already gone out some 10-12 times. It is a big deal considering most men who meet me through web never called me and I always presumed they died on their way back. But not this guy. He kept in touch. He messages me at the end of the day asking how did it go. He shows concern if I send a depressing tweet.

Yet I am convinced he does not and never will have any feelings for me. When he falls asleep I analyze him and what am I doing with him. He seems to be one of those people who are quite contended being alone on their own. Everybody needs a companion so does he. So we give each other company but that doesn’t mean anything. There is no question of feelings because of reasons like…She isn’t the kind of girl I can take to my mom. She isn’t even a girl. She is a woman while I am a boy. She is ugly. She is weird.

He doesn’t give me compliments. He have not introduced me to anybody else in his life. When we are outside he doesn’t show public display of affection. When in the morning I leave his home he doesn’t hug or kiss me. He never told me he likes me though I told him I like him.

I can chose to not think so much and just enjoy the good time we are having and that’s what I am telling myself constantly…but doesn’t seem like that will work. A fall is inevitable.